Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows (Part one)

I awoke slowly, the soft buzz of my alarm in the back of my ear, waking me and not my sleeping companion. Our naked bodies were twisted together, meeting in the most intimate of places. I looked down her back, noting with a satisfied grin the scratch marks on her back, my hand innocently cupping her hip, the sheets half covering us both.

I lay there for a moment, enjoying her so soft skin against mine. I willed my hand to slide down and squeeze her supple ass, her back arching, pressing against me as I did. I let out a quiet noise of approval, running, no, scratching, my fingertips up the curve of her ass before removing my hand from her.

I disengaged my body reluctantly from Usagi's, leaning down to kiss her neck as I withdrew, intentionally leaving the covers where they lay. The view was more than worth it. Picture worthy even, soft light pushing through the tinted window in my bedroom doing wonderful things to the curves of her body. Wonderful enough to consider getting back into bed and waking her, again, but the annoying, insistent inner ear drone of my alarm wouldn't let me. I turned to my closet, blindly reaching in for a pair of pants and shirt hanging there, my eyes unwilling to leave the sight on the bed for long. The cool shirt slid over my chest, over the red marks left by her fingers, on my back and covering the marks on my chest from her teeth, yes, it had been a good night.

There was a soft Napanii murmur behind me as I turned around, looking back at her, this time her eyes on me, and I couldn't tell if she was enjoying the show or sad to see me go, or both. Technically we were in my quarters, but I was still the one leaving. I pulled on my pants, grabbing finally for the jacket strewn on the floor, I took one last, long, glance over my shoulder and then stepped out.  I had spent more of my time looking at Usagi then getting ready, and was already late.

------

The next four days would be critical, various cells were becoming impatient, and understandably so. I had set them up for years. Carefully plotted their hate and ambition to meet the needs of my cause instead of theirs. Taking each cell and placing them carefully at the throats of others. I took my seat on the small, inconspicuous shuttle for second time in as many weeks. Last week had just been observation, watching, testing, putting final things in play.

This weekend wasn't just going to be the opening rounds of this years Alliance Tournament, but the settling of a score long overdue. I leaned back into the seat, muttering about the overly long loading time, even though the loading time had saved me from missing the shuttle entirely. The flight times of the interbus shuttles would seem forever as opposed to flying myself, but I needed to be unnoticed. I closed my eyes, the image of Usagi on my bed appearing behind my eyelids, a small involintary grin appearing on my lips, her smoldering gaze looking up at me, it sent a pleasant, if sad shiver up my spine. My eyes snapped open when the hiss of the shuttle compressing met my ears.

I turned to the small window, watching the ship slide out of the TXW-EL station, headed towards Vestouve and Empire, a STUGH and then Veto. vagabond undocking in unison, their capsuleers blissfully unaware of our shuttle just to the side of them, the lean HACs twisting towards the 5-F gate. I turned away from the window, tucking my hand under my chin, willing the time to pass faster. Settling this score would be nice, but at this point, getting back might even be nicer.

The right height.

The past couple days had gone by in a grumpy haze. I had gone out in fleets, or at least tried too, but not even that had eased my mood. Despite the bomber kill I got while trying to stir up trouble.

I sighed, staring into the terminal screen, noting that I would once again not be able to make it to the Friday night fleet, one I had hoped to make this week, and not just because I had promised Cass my guardian.  I wish I had another glass to throw.

I stood and stepped out of my bedroom, making my way over to my well stocked bar.  Well, kitchen I suppose it was called, not that I bothered cooking all that often anymore. I pushed around some bottles, mentally shutting down the nanites that swarmed my blood usually, keeping me from getting drunk, sick, drugged, or otherwise killed and took a long pull from a older, half full bottle of tequila. The stuff always got me into trouble.

It burned all the way down to the pit of my stomach, as did the second and third gulps. I took a deep breath and turned, placing my hands on the island sat in the middle of my kitchen, looking out the window into TXW. I just couldn't keep my mind from wandering, stood there for some time, staring out into space but seeing anything but. Everyone's got their own demons, women always happened to be mine.

Idly I reached back to the bottle of tequila lifting it to my lips a few more times, the warm feeling spreading from my stomach down my arms and legs. Whispered thoughts and ideas coming into clarity and then action.  I primped a bit before leaving, clean shirt, pants, hair more organized than usual, adding a little more cologne to cover the smell of the tequila I could feel in my veins.

I checked the clock, 0225, she was notorious for showing up to fleets, in pod, ready to go, very early. It would be hard to explain to her she needed to come out of her pod for them to speak.  I checked the pilot status board, she was still in her quarters.

I won't say my pace was calm and unhurried, but I somehow managed to avoid looking like a fool at a dead run to the spot I had planned for my ambush. It was nearly unavoidable, between her quarters and her ships, hopefully the right spot.

My back pressed up against the cool steel of the hallways to the pilots quarters in TXW, I nodded to other passing pilots and crew as they headed to their hangars, readying for tonights fleet. I'm just waiting here, trying to look like part of the wall.  Waiting for her to walk by.

I had time to reflect on what exactly brought me here.

I'm tired of waiting to see if she just wants to flirt with me and tease me, or something, anything else. I sigh sadly, my stomach dropping a bit as I try not to think about that too much. The liquid courage running through my body will only work as long as I don't think about that.

Subtle movement out of the corner of my eye as she turns the corner and sees me, thankfully alone. I don't give anything, but recognition, time to pass through her features before one of my long arms slides around her waist, pulling her towards me as I twist my body around, pushing her gently, but firmly against the wall. I've made sure not to box her in but to escape my grasp she has to head back the way she came, or pass all the way around me.  Her eyes flashed hotly, I didn't stop.

I leaned down, kissing up her neck, towards her ear. My hand slid down her narrow waist and over the flair of her hip, moving around to cup and lift her ass towards me suggestively. Thus forcing her body to arch towards mine. I leaned towards, my lips just barely grazing her ear, my words so soft, they don't carry past her ear "I think you should be headed towards my quarters after this fleet, of sex."

I release her ass, lowering her off her toes. Disengaging myself from her and slide around the corner, heading the long route, back to my quarters. It takes all my willpower not to look back at that corner. I turn the first corner away and realize I hadn't been breathing, my mouth popping open, gulping down lungfuls of semi-stale station air.

-----

I kept the alliance kills list open on my terminal as I work, watching minutes roll by without any significant action, judging my chances tonight by the billboard.  It looks bleak for a long while, until reports of battle filter down into the kill table, she's killed 3 ships more or less on her own, the fleet is on it's way back to the station. I get a chill that runs down to my toes, half excitement, half pure dread. I shove it all back in my mind, headed for the shower.

Barely free from the shower, but dry at least, I slide on my pants, proxy alarms beeping somewhere deep in my eardrum, someone was approaching my door. I pull my shoes on, leaving them untied, hopeful I know. Just reaching for a shirt as the main "someone's at your door" buzz slides through my rooms. A single quick glance at the monitor confirmed it was her, alone.

Pulling my shirt over my head was never elegant, the three spikes planted there made sure of that. I managed with a minimum of hassle even while narrowly avoiding tripping, sliding the hallway door closed. The door opened to reveal Usagi, I could have stopped myself, but didn't want to, needing a quick mental picture of her standing there in my door.  It ended up not being a quick mental picture, my eyes moving down her body.  Regaining some sense took a few seconds, but I stood to the side, "glad you could make it gorgeous, please come in."

'Charming,' I said to myself, hiding my self grimace as she stepped in. She looked around before turning to face me, her back to the island in the middle of his kitchen.  The position made me think of how much easier it would be if he just forced her over that counter, it looked the right height. Her voice, slightly higher pitched met my ears. "Was glad you asked me to come." Probably choking back laughter. Most capsuleers would be laughing at the small space, but it was all he needed, here at least.

The door slid closed, unnoticed, behind them, the same metallic rumble whisking the door closed.  I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat up a bit, remembering. "I'm not sure 'asked' is the right word to use, but I needed to do something, short of stewing in here for another night."  Her eyes had caught mine and I found it suddenly difficult to talk.  I had learnt from last time this happened and just kept my mouth shut for a moment.

I broke the silence, "may I get you anything?" Me perhaps? My arm saved me indicating the stash of booze behind me.  Though I wasn't sure if it was indicating the booze or just re-emphasizing that I was included in the anything.

It seemed she had gotten her laughter under control now, mostly, her voice had returned to normal. "Whatever you're having is fine." Her eyes moved off mine to look at the stash behind me, I thought I caught a twinkle in them as she looked at all the booze. My free hand slid around hers, my body requiring that I touch her, make sure this is all real. How she wasn't slammed up against the island already was a mystery, I was barely holding that part of myself together.

I blurted out, "you look great." pulling her closer as I said that, my right fingertips tracing up her side, having to go some distance before finding a shirt under her jacket. My eyes held her gaze, the distraction of her skin carried the pause on uncomfortably.

Simply Casanova, I was, more like how was she still even here.  I realized I didn't have any glasses, umm, on-hand. "I uh, don't exactly have a" moron "glass right now…" A nervous laugh spilled out of my lips. "I hope something out of the bottle is okay?"  M-O-R-O-N. I forced myself to shut up internally.

She blushed, likely from embarrassment, of me, but her smile still made my knee's a little shaky. "Bottle is fine, thank you.  I…"

You are still an idiot… SHUT UP! Ahem.

"I probably have some extra glasses I could give you…." she trailed off looking up at me and then down to my hand around hers. "…assuming you need them…" I stepped closer to her, her soft, clean scent hitting my nostrils memorably, "No, I'm sure I'll eventually get around to buying more, they much such a satisfying crash when thrown properly too."

It hit me just then, I was a complete ass, and rambling, I apologized, and offered her a seat.  Graciously she replied "It's okay, I enjoy listening." I knew that meant she didn't need for me to continue.

"I have the couch there, and the table if you prefer?" I smiled, "I'll sit on the table." Where was that bravado I had just a few hours ago? Damn tequila. I grabbed two bottles from behind me, watching her move away, her body moving with the soft grace that belies speed. I stripped my eyes from her swaying ass, and looked at the two bottles that had won by default.

"It would be rude of me to take your seat." I looked up and she stood next to the couch, a private smile on her face. I reply with "Umm, Tequila and Vodka." I slide into my couch, towards the middle, reaching up to grab the front of her pants, twisting her into my lap, for the most part, her ass on one of my thighs, her face just inches from mine.

Her being that close, that sweet smell, the warmth of her body, my hands went white around the bottles, my other arm providing a sort-of back rest for her. I resisted tearing at her like a animal, turning all that desire into a grin, looking up into her beautiful blue eyes. Mumbling something about her choice of seating, I just stared into her eyes. She took the Vodka bottle, placing it on the table next to us before sliding herself out of her jacket. Leaning down to show off her lower back tattoo, bluish-black it resembled the Gurista's design, with a Usagi touch to it. That detail added to the mental images didn't help, one bit.

I looked down, stuck with the Tequila bottle… shit. "You would leave me with the tequila bottle, stuff gets me in trouble." So far, this time it had been good trouble, I popped open the top with one hand. "Enjoy the trouble you bring upon yourself!" A little toast to lighten the mood, right?  I meant to take a quick gulp, but found my mouth inundated with tequila, forced now, I was swallowing quickly, the tequila fire spread down my back, a hot shiver following the liquid.

Usagi took a large pull off the Vodka bottle, grinning as she took it easily. "Terrible." Looking back down her body I notice her short tank top, showing off her stomach, my free hand, curing around her back to run fingertips over her stomach. I looked back over to her, lust rising, quipping back, "yes it looks terrible," I acted as if I was going to stand, not that I could, for more than one reason. "Should I get you something else?..."

Usagi leveraged her hips and arms, pushing me back against the couch, her voice all at once an authoritative, undeniably seductive and emphatic no. I couldn't have stood after that, and didn't want to. My fingers, on the damned soft, smooth skin of her back, tracing small patterns.  Fingers spanning and contracting on her low back. Just touching her made me shiver, "I think that's the first smart thing either of us has said all night." I joked, before taking another long pull from the tequila to hide my self-satisfied grin.

She took another drink, as if winding up for something big, tossing the vodka bottle back on the table, sliding around me quickly, hotly, her legs to either side of mine now, hand wrapping around… the tequila bottle, taking a swig from it as well, before placing it behind her on the table as well. Her hips groung into into mine, biting my lower lip was the only prevention from groaning out loud.

I released my lip just as she leaned down and kissed me, her body pressing into mine in JUST the right way, her lips parting a bit, teasingly letting me taste the vodka and tequila on her lips. It was the first time she'd kissed my lips, the electricity was definitely there. My mind moved towards the off position, my hands sliding down her legs, I could feel the blood thumping past my ears, barely picking up her words. "What do you want?" It was said in the same tone as her no, shaking me and my mind back to 'on.'

I fumbled around a bit, trying to come up with something other than the mono-syllabic, though true, response of 'you.'  I went with "I think I've made that pretty clear? I want to see if you and I are…" compatible, no, umm, right? No. Meant for each other, how melodramatic can I be? NO. "More." I hope if someone was writing a story about this they would put a period after that word, and not the question mark it felt like.

Her hands guided mine higher on her body, up her firm thighs, hips and flat, taunt stomach, sliding my large hands over her chest, strands of her red hair falling out of her pony tail, and over her face. "Are we?" She asked, while working me like a master.  My vision had just clouded over, lust bubbling up and over, I tried to say something, anything, my mouth worked, then, later actual words came out.

"If this is come kind of new torture technique please only ever use it on me." I panted those words out like a first timer. At this time I would tell this woman the truth of anything she asked. "I mean, if we weren't, would we be here?" I threw out the words, desperate.

My hands spanned her chest, teasing her back, trying to force her mind down to his primal level.  It failed, she sighed softly, talking as she turned away, her hips still firmly on mine, warm body pressed up against me. "This means nothing. Sex is just sex. I want to do that with you, but also…" her voice broke a bit, moisture forming in her lidded eyes.

"Once we start down one path, we can't ever go to the other." Slid my hand around the back of her head, turning her back to face me, the back of her head was still slightly wet, red hair tangling in my fingers.  I told the truth, "I think we both know, and want, this to be more than sex, or we would have had at it days ago and not looked back. Instead I find myself brooding in here, breaking my only glass because I just assumed you'd show up." For me, I left out. "Tripping over myself like a moron I may add."

She turned like a cat in my lap, looking down at me, directly into me. "Can you love me?" There it was, I had left off the jealous part of me stalking back into The Last Gate trying to find out if she had left with Morgane that night and not me. I wasn't sure. When ever are you? Shut up, I dove in.

"Only if you'll let me." I stopped looking at her eyes, expecting the worst.  By the time I looked back up her eyes were closed.  She mouthed something, maybe 'thank you.'  She leaned back down to me, her lips finding mine, this kiss slamming my brain fully into the 'off' position, and everything else to on. I hardly let her pull back enough to tug her shirt off. Mine didn't last much longer. nor in one piece.

Let me say; the counter, it was the right height.

=================

Usagi's Blog

A Bittersweet Date

The door slid closed behind me, rustling slightly against the metal around it, otherwise, quiet. Sadly so. I took a few steps into the room before grabbing the nearest thing that could break. The blossom of glass against the steel wall made me smile until I realized I had just destroyed the only glass in the room. Not sure if I was mad because there was nothing else to break, or because I had nothing else to pour my whiskey into.

Ah well, the whiskey bottle fit in my hand well enough, the cap didn't explode nearly as nicely as the glass had. I contemplated shooting it as the liquid slid over my tongue, taking some of the sting off the day, but not all. I sunk into a chair, glumly staring out at my hangar bay.

The past few weeks I had been spending more and then more time around Usagi. At first, admittedly, it had just been nice to have someone to talk to. Though usually our conversations started and ended in abrupt, strange ways. I didn't mind, after all, while the company was nice, the scenery was better.

We had made plans to celebrate VETO arriving in TXW, well once alliance command allowed us to. One of their few restrictions had been to gag us on their arrival until they had all made it. I had cornered Usagi into coming down to The Last Gate with me, but we had both missed out on Saturday night.

By the time Tuesday rolled around I had recouped enough courage to ask again. I met her, walking up to her quarters as she was leaving. My eyes move over her body as she walked towards me, a purposeful gleam in her eyes, alongside a small lack of focus.

We walked in silence until we arrived at TLG, I was just trying to stay confident and not stumble in front of her, or worse, into her, at this point.

I headed to the bar for some more liquid courage, with Usagi just behind me. I took a whiskey, but Usagi, already several ahead of me, it seemed, took something stronger. I turned to see Raxip approaching from further down the bar, his usual pint in hand. I felt, more than saw, Usagi slide into a seat next to me, downing yet another shot. Raxip and I made some small talk that I honestly can't remember clearly, I was busy trying to watch Usagi as she bent over the bar for each of her shots. Something about fleeting with me more often, it had been a while since we last flew together.

Raxip took the initiative to introduce himself to Usagi, while she took the chance to take a verbal jab at me, in reference to fleeting with me. "I dunno. He hides a lot. I've been looking for him for weeks."

I stopped a bit short of choking on my whiskey, throwing out the first thing that came to mind as she shook Raxip's hand. "Only been hiding from you, perhaps you've been spending too much time in your quarters again." I threw back at her, only semi-defensively.

I couldn't tell if her flirtatious grin was aimed at me or Raxip, my eyes narrowing as pessimism took hold. Chuckling in spite of myself with her reply; "That is where all the fun is, you know."

I took the chance to trace her body slowly with my eyes, drawing out my reply. "Then why haven't you granted me access yet?" A strange look passed over her face at that second, one I wish I could have examined in closer detail, in private. Raxip took this chance to throw in some question about Rote that drug my eyes off Usagi, though not for long.

I took Usagi's own advice and went back to work on her, tugging her to my side, so I could lean over and smell one of the shots she was taking, not to mention tonguing. The smell from the empty shot was enough to clear my sinuses, and my head for a few seconds.

"So, you two…? Or still trying Logan?" Raxip queried, 'innocently.' I glanced over at him, trying to determine the path of his question, finding it harmless, I quipped back, "she acts all flirty here, but I'm still trying, sadly." The sadly part came out a bit louder than I had meant it to, as I thought it was more a note to myself then for public consumption. Her glass, semi full again passed under my nose, again, clearing it. "Good lord…"

Raxip waved over at a newcomer, someone I could not quite see, but made Usagi give a rather loud, to my ears at least, near drooling. "Oh wow." I thought if it caught her attention it would be worth a look and glanced over catching a quick glance that was worth an unspoken wow.

Usagi turned towards me then, chiding that she came here with me for a reason. I was starting to not be so sure, but the soft touch of her lips on my forehead, somehow deftly avoiding the implanted spikes placed there sent a lascivious shiver down my spine, and tightened my hand on her side briefly.

I tried to recover quickly, "my lips are a little lower hun." My hand releasing her side and reaching down to smack her ass playfully, and I admit, possessively. My hand stayed there for the rest of the night, mostly motionless, mostly. I was overtly pleased with my 'tactful' introduction of my hand on her ass.

Usagi was clearly taken by the newcomer, who introduced herself as Morgane Lysander. Usagi was barely holding back her drool, I had to admit that Morgane was quite attractive. I pulled Usagi into my lap, reminding her that I was here with her. She seemed more than willing, sliding down into his lap. It felt… comfortable, and I left my hand on her rear.

I spent the next few minutes trading verbal barbs with Usagi, attempting to keep her interested in me, and not wholly focused on Morgane, while talking to Raxip as well as Morgane. I couldn't tell if Raxip was trying to divert my attention or gain Usagi's, but Usagi was of no help. One second readjusting herself provocatively on my lap, making the hair on the back of my neck stand straight, then seconds later, going so far as to flash Raxip a few seductive smiles. Smiles that should have been meant for me.

Raxip decided to turn his attention towards trying to distract me from Usagi, amidst a conversation about Raxip's dancing prowess he sprung the invitation to dance before their next joint fleet we both made it to. It would have to be a date! Besides, that fleet would have to be lucky with that kind of ceremony before hand.

An annoying beep sounded deep inside my ear, requiring my attention, I could stay no longer. While the beeping grew slowly in intensity, and irritation. Still I waited, taking the time to enjoy the feel of Usagi placed in my lap. When I could wait no longer, I carefully lifted her from my lap, standing behind her for a moment. Holding in the conversation for just a moment longer, hinting to Usagi she would be welcome to intrude into my quarters, trying to make it as obvious as I could.

I leaned down, kissing her on the neck, my mouth open a little bit, tongue flicking out to take a small taste of her skin before giving her a playful bite on the side of her neck. Her hand slid down my arm as I stepped away, giving the brief impression that she wished I wasn't leaving. It was little more than brief as she gave a curt, polite wave goodbye, refocusing on Morgane.

I stepped between the two, shaking Morgane's hand before moving towards Raxip, scooping him up in my arms for a tight hug, getting him back for a similar act weeks ago, pulling back with a grin, just in time for him to plant one on me, clearly winning the exchange.

I could do nothing but laugh, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, taking one last look back at Usagi, then over to Morgane, then back to Usagi, wondering if by leaving I had just lost a chance, to be dropped off at the hands of Morgane. As I walked out, I hoped not.

Several hours had passed since then, my matters resolved, door closed, alone. I twisted in my seat, the whiskey bottle mostly gone now, drank in silence, I headed for my computer, quickly pulling up the allowed access list, removing the second ID, character by character. I turned for the bedroom, but didn't make it, tripping over my own, uncooperative feet, landing squarely on my face. I snorted once, maybe I am a lightweight, then closed my eyes.

---------((OOC bar is OOC))--------

The Last Gate - Usagi's take.

It's interesting how two people can do the same thing, see the same thing but still see it completely differently.